Herding Cats

Israel does something for its senior citizens that I think is unique in the world. There are programs for people of retirement age that include everything from classes to museum visits to concerts and plays to day trips all over the country.  

Today I went on a tiyul (tour) to Tel Aviv, organized by the community center where I take ceramics and drawing. We were to meet at the center at 9AM, promptly. Because the bus schedules aren't always 100% reliable, and because of the the legendary traffic jams in Jerusalem, I decided to take an 8AM bus. Not only was the bus on time, but the traffic was unusually light, so I got to my stop at Mamilla at 810AM.  Since I had time on my hands I took a stroll thru the Mamilla Mall, a relatively new and very upscale mall which runs more or less parallel to the Old City walls. It was a perfect morning; mid- 60's with a slight breeze and a cloudless blue sky. I took my time walking and window shopping, then headed over to the community center. Of course the bus and half the group were late, but by 920AM we were on our way to our first stop ... Habima Theatre.

Habima (literally The Stage) is celebrating its 100th anniversary this year. I'd never been to a performance there so this was a big deal for me. The one-act play, Something Good, is a humorous and poignant play about life. One of the 3 actresses, Lia Koenig, is the grande dame of Israeli theatre ... still acting at the age of 85. But that's almost beside the point, since a lot of the action was in the audience.

It began with the complaints from people who weren't happy with their seats. How come I'm sitting here and my friend is sitting there? I don't like this row, I want to be higher. Or lower. Or facing the stage. Or not facing the stage.

That finally got sorted out, the house lights dimmed, and the usual "turn off your cell phones" announcement was made. In the 100 years since the theatre opened I'm sure they never dealt with an audience like this one, because several thought that turning off cell phones was optional. I have to finish sending this whatsapp. I'm in the middle of an email. I'm talking to my daughter, it'll just be a minute. When the lights came up and the actress said her first line she was interrupted by all the shushing and scolding and arguing going on in the audience. She had to stop and the house manager had to come out and restore order.  

And on with the show. 

Anyone who's ever gone to a play, movie or concert knows that inevitably some moron doesn't turn off their cell phone. In today's audience, there were several morons, and they all got phone calls during the show. Most of them silenced their phone, but one actually took the call, and got into an argument with the people around her about it.

And on with the show.

There were about 150 people in the audience. It's a small theatre, like many in Chicago. I'm no maven, but I think the purpose is to bring the audience and actors close to each other for a more connected experience. Maybe this isn't such a good practice in Israel. On several occasions audience members decided they had to throw in their two cents, and at times actually engaged the actresses in conversation. A couple of times 85 year old Lia actually responded, then without missing a beat, got back into character and continued delivering her lines. This sort of thing is actually quite common here. Total strangers will jump into conversations in all kinds of situations - on the bus, waiting in line at the grocery store, on the sidewalk, in restaurants - offering opinions or advice, wanted or not. But I've never seen or heard of it happening during a play. 

And on with the show.

Eating is a national pasttime here. As soon as our bus left Jerusalem everyone pulled a sandwich out of their purse for the morning snack. When the play ended at 1PM everyone needed something to eat. There were 2 cafes next to the theatre, and we had to rush. We only had 30 minutes before it was time to board the bus for our next stop. Several of us went into one of the cafes and told the barista that we were in a big hurry and all we wanted was something to drink. She said to sit at a table and she'd send a waiter right away. There happened to be a menu on the table, which we looked at. When the waitress came to take our order they started to think about what they wanted. The clock is ticking, ladies. Finally we got the drink orders (3 coffees, 1 tea), one coffee cake and one carrot cake. Once the order was placed they all opened their purses, brought out sandwich # 2 and started eating. Even for me this was shocking. I told them if they tried this in the States they'd be thrown out of the restaurant. But this is Israel.

The coffee cake and drinks came out right away, and the waitress said she'd be right back with the carrot cake. I guess she got lost because by 125PM we needed to leave. We asked for the check and said to cancel the carrot cake. A minute later a waiter brought it to the table. We said, sorry, too late. He offered to wrap it. Then the person who ordered it decided to just take half of it in a napkin. Then she tasted it and said it was the best carrot cake she ever had. To hell with what time it was, she wasn't going anywhere until she finished the cake. Meanwhile, our group leader (who will forever more be known to me as the cat herder) came through the cafe to hurry us all to the bus.

Our next stop was Neve Tzedek, a gentrifying neighborhood on the city's south side that pre-dates Tel Aviv by about 25 years. We had an excellent guide who gave us the history of the quarter as we walked through it, in spite of interruptions and comments from the peanut gallery. 

We had to cut the tour short in order to get back to Jerusalem. Why the rush? Two reasons. One, rush hour traffic in Tel Aviv is insane. Two, at 5PM the entire country was going to come to a standstill for a nationwide demonstration against the government by the ultra-orthodox fringe. Why? To protest the end of enlistment waivers.

A bit of history. When the modern state of Israel was founded in 1948, David Ben-Gurion, the first prime minister, implemented 400 exemptions for full time yeshiva students. The purpose was to keep Torah learning alive after having been 99% wiped out in the Holocaust. That was 70 years ago. In the meantime, the number of full time yeshiva students has grown astronomically. The 400 exemptions are still on the books and the number hasn't been increased, nor has it been enforced. This is a big bone of contention here, and a couple of years ago the government decided it was time to review the policy. The conclusion was to cancel the blanket exemptions and to require the ultra-orthodox to serve either in the army or national service. It's hard to describe the to-do that erupted over this. Although only about 10% of the population, they have enormous clout. Israel is a parliamentary democracy, and is governed by a coalition. The ultra-orthodox parties are critical to any coalition so they pretty much get whatever they want. And one of the things they want is exemptions. Lots of them. The way they get their point across is by blocking the roads.

It took about 40 minutes to get from where the bus picked us up to the highway to Jerusalem - a distance of maybe 3 miles. Tel Aviv was founded in 1909. In the old part of the city, where we were, the streets are very narrow. Bus drivers in this country are very skilled, and it requires special talent to drive on streets that were built before cars. At one point, while making a very challenging turn, one of the ladies on the bus said to the driver - a few of us can get out and lift the car that's in your way onto the sidewalk. Fortunately he didn't need their help, but if it came to that it would have happened.

Traffic moved quickly once we got on the highway all the way to Sha'ar Hagai, which is where the highway heads up the mountain to Jerusalem. The peanut gallery was hard at work, telling the driver which would be the best way to get into the city. Take the back road via Hadassah Hospital. Take the road that runs thru Gush Etzion. Take the Givat Shaul entrance to the city. Go via the spur to French Hill. Because all of them knew exactly where the roads were blocked, even tho none of them looked at a news site on their cell phone. Why bother when you can call your husband, daughter, son or neighbor and ask them? One of the women has a daughter who works at a TV station. She did call her daughter, who said the only road blocks were at a specific intersection in one of the very religious neighborhoods and along one of the downtown streets. Public transportation was functioning. Naturally no one paid any attention. And the driver had WAZE, the amazing Israeli navigation system that also factors in road and traffic conditions. But that didn't stop anyone from offering advice on the best way to go.

We finally got into the city (via the spur to French Hill), and rather than take a chance of getting stuck in traffic I opted to get off the bus and take the light rail. As it turned out, the light rail was blocked between Damascus Gate and the central bus station. No problem for me. Damascus Gate is walking distance to my bus stop.

Except ... it was already 6PM, and I had an event to go to at 730.  I had a dilemma. To go home and eat something or have something quick at a restaurant or grab something from a take-away? Since the weather was so nice, I opted for #3. I started walking towards Emek Refaim, the restaurant street, that also leads to Talpiot where the event was taking place. I figured I could find a bakery or take-away, then hop on a bus to my destination. I made much better time than I thought, grabbed a boureka (similar to an empanada) from a bakery, and continued eating my way. (National pasttime, remember?) By the time I finished the boureka I was within a couple blocks of where I was going, and actually got there half an hour before the event started. I googled the distance afterwards; it was only 4 kilometers (about 2.5 miles), but you also have to factor in the hills.

The event was the launch of a book titled Totaled, written by Brian Blum who by coincidence I met several years ago. It's the fascinating story of an electric car network called A Better Place that raised close to a billion dollars, opened locations in Israel, Japan, Denmark, Holland and Hawaii, had a showroom in China, and went belly up within 5 years.

It was 9PM when I left. It had been a long day and I was looking forward to the bus ride home. Enough walking already. But the buses had another idea. This is also something that happens here, which is why I don't fully trust the schedules. The two buses that would have taken me home didn't show up. The electronic screen showed that they were due in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 minute. Then 15 minutes. It takes about 20 minutes for me to walk home, which is what I did and how I ended my very fascinating day.

Shabbat shalom from Jerusalem,

Peggy and Sid